The ROSE Owners Guide and Maintenance Manual
by dont we all love david
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a ROSE unit! Read the following guide and learn how to care and love your very own chocolate loving, DOCTOR obsessing human!


**ROSE: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own this idea, the original belongs to Theresa Green.

**CONGRATULATIONS!**

You are now the proud owner of a ROSE unit! To unlock the full potential of this doctor loving, chocolate addicted, alien lover, please read the following manual with care, as misuse of the ROSE may prove hazardous to your home. Or your wallet.

**Technical Specifications**

Name: ROSE (Will respond to "hello mamma," "what do you think your doing little lady" and "Rosie Posie").

Age: 18 or 19, I cant remember anymore…

Place of Manufacture: Earth

Height: 195 cm

Weight: Classified Females Business

**Your ROSE will come with the following accessories:**

One very short pair of short pink pants

One itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini shirt.(NO kidding, its TINY!)

One mobile phone, for contact with JACKIE

One box of chocolate

Note: Without her chocolate, your ROSE unit may unlock the Murderous mode. There is no way to reverse this mode—it is suggested that you do not bring in a DOCTOR unit, that would only agitate your ROSE. However, unlocking the Slash mode may override this, but as of yet this is untested.

**Removing your ROSE from her box**

Like most units, the ROSE unit is naturally angered easily and can bite peoples heads off if they insult her DOCTOR. She wont politely wait for you to open the box, she'll escape with everything the DOCTOR would have taught her, as confined spaces freak her out if she doesn't have her DOCTOR.(Really obsessed, isn't she?)

Depending on how she is treated, she may decide to run out the door looking for the DOCTOR. In order to keep this from happening, have one on hand to reassure her that's its okay.

The ROSE unit will immediately obey your every word.

Well, his word.

But its still yours. Kinda…

If your ROSE refuses to respond to your DOCTOR and claims him to be a fake, then she clearly has a defect. Send her back to the manufacturer's as soon as possible. And keep her away from all JACK'S, MASTER'S, HARRY'S, MICKEY'S, DALEKS….

Because if she's got a defect, who knows what might happen…

DALEK + ROSE = MAYHEM!

**Programming**

Your ROSE unit has been included with limited programming options due to her rather curious nature:

Curiosity: The ROSE unit isn't one to listen to instructions and is always wandering off. She has to touch everything she can find, even if it's a great big threatening button…

Hottie: Need a clingy ex off your back? Got a stalker? Use the ROSE unit and make them so depressed that they'll have to leave you alone!

We take no responsibility for the action taken by the depressed stalkers.

**Your ROSE will come with the following modes:**

Curious (_default_)

Murderous (_default_)

HOT (_locked_)

Adventurous

Slash (_locked_)

Out of Character (_locked_)

The ROSE unit is best suited for distractions or tedious things, like housework, except her Curiosity can often cause problems for you and your wallet. Warning, a GPS tracker isn't included.

**Relations with other units**

DOCTOR: The ROSE unit is secretly in love with the doctor and refuses to admit it yet they both know it.

Stupid humans.

JACK HARKNESS: As long as Out of Character mode is locked, your ROSE unit will be filled with lust every time she sets her eyes on him and will want to create Jack/ROSE babies. This is not advised. They will be immortal, stupid and blonde twits.

DONNA: Your ROSE unit not like the DONNA unit as her voice is annoying and she complains about everything to ever exist. When these two come in contact, expect a bitchfight.

MARTHA: The ROSE unit does not like the MARTHA unit either, and probably never will. Please note that the ROSE unit will try to kill MARTHA at every and any given moment, for whatever reason she can think of. The ROSE unit will just resort anything except to trying to shoot her, because the DOCTOR would disapprove.

**Cleaning**

The ROSE unit is self-sufficient, and she can clean and look after herself. As a matter of fact, the ROSE unit will not allow you to clean her at all. Attempting so will more than likely cause you to get attacked by whatever she can find.

If Out of Character mode is unlocked, you can expect your ROSE unit to mate with JACK HARKNESS, the MASTER, HARRY, any DOCTOR she can find... Do not try to discourage this behaviour. Except if MICKEY joins in. Then it would just be weird.

**Feeding**

Your ROSE unit is perfectly capable of feeding herself, though she may occasionally want something better than just whatever's in your refrigerator. Give into her whims every once in a while, but be careful or she may unlock Out of Character mode unexpectedly.

**Rest**

Usually good at going to sleep and staying asleep, the ROSE unit will refuse sleep when she is on the verge of a big discovery, such as where the DOCTOR is hiding or whether the DOCTOR wants to screw her.

Also note that your ROSE unit may be more grouchy when lack of chocolate is announced.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

Q: My ROSE unit ran off to go play with the DOCTOR and his TARDIS and I haven't seen them since! Come to think of it, my Jack and my MASTER units are missing too…

A: I hate to tell you this, but your ROSE unit won't be coming back, and neither will your other units. When exposed to the DOCTOR unit, others tend to either go insane with lust, or they want to brutally murder him. There is no way to reverse this. You're never going to see them again.

Q: Why won't my ROSE unit listen to me? she's locked himself in one of the spare rooms and refuses to come out!

A: Apparently you didn't treat her with enough respect in her mind or she's having midnight visits from the bogeyman or the DOCTOR.

Q: I left the house for the day and when I came back my ROSE unit had turned my entire house upside-down and a DALEK had been thrown through my window!

How did this happen?

A: Your ROSE unit now has unlocked the secret "Bad Ass" mode. There is no way to reverse this mode. Too bad for you.

We take no responsibility for damages. Take it up with your insurance company.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: You keep finding random DOCTOR units in the house.

Solution: Your ROSE unit is just doing her job of screwing random DOCTORS. It will happen. There is no way around this. But you might want to set a limit of how many she can bring home.

Problem: Your ROSE unit meets a DAVROS.

Solution: He's screwed.

(She's going to use the doctors pain over the years as either blackmail to get him to go away, or she's going to go into "Bad-Ass" mode and beat the crap out of him. Either way he's screwed.)

**Final Note**

After many long years of service, you will undoubtedly reach the end of your lifespan. Seeing as how your ROSE unit is a creation from the BBC, she will continue living and provide your descendents with loyal service. As long as she is provided with chocolate.


End file.
